The 400th Time

I did absolutely nothing today.
Nothing.
I sat on our dog-stained couch in one of my newly crusty t-shirts
And stared directly into the wall in front of me

I thought of you
and for the 400th time replayed everysinglejoke
resaw every look and
rewrote our history

Honey,
I love the way racial slurs sound on your lips
you make dick jokes funny
I haven't giggled so hard since I was a baby

You may be more stick than human,
and look obnoxiously like Kermit the frog
but you're the nicest thing I've seen.

So I wonder in bed at night, still seeing your eyes,
Am I the only one left feeling empty?

Undoing Writer's Block

Okay, so all aspiring fiction writers know that moment. Your character is in the backseat of a car, lying in the backyard, waiting outside Taco Bell, and just doing, well, nothing. You try to get him/her to reflect on life or the story so far, but it comes out choppy and wrong, and they're left again in the same space, in the same moment, doing nothing but rotting. I've left my characters there for days, abandoned them there altogether, and I hope they died truly happy.

Now here's about getting them moving.

idea one: throw a rock at your character. It will make them stop in their tracks, rethink their sense of the world around them, and possibly get the story moving again.

idea two: introduce your character to a homeless person. I myself have always wanted to know their stories, and maybe your character's life could be changed for the better.

idea three: shoot them a text. Be a wrong number, a friend, or Hot Topic advertising another sale.

idea four: set them into a conversation you yourself have had recently. discuss with them how really the word "catastrophe" can be turned into "cat ass trophy"

idea five: have your character encounter a billboard that highlights something they want to change about themselves or those around them. Inspire them.... or just creep them out.

idea six: If nothing else works, a good idea would be to kill off your character's entire family. If that doesn't help them get out of the bathtub, I don't know what will.

Gravity (pt. 1) Parkour & Free Running

Love this-- <3

Parkour Playlist

Some awesome music for Parkour:

1.    Sandstorm- Darude

2.    Ready to Fall- Rise Against

3.    Paper Wings- Rise Against

4.    Furious Angels- Rob Dougan

5.    Say You'll Haunt me- Stone Sour

6.    All the Things She Said- Madbones

7.    Under and Under- RapidFflow

8.    Handful of Ownage- RapidFflow

9.    We Don't Care- Audio Bullys

Finals and novel writing

Studying hard for finals/novel writing.

oh the pain of my dreams and the school days

Paurkour, literally.

So refreshing to see a video free of flips and tricking. Those ones are awesome, but parkour put simply is nice to watch.

Movement Will Set You Free - Ronnie - Ensoul

Eyeless- Slipknot

How to do a Parkour Roll

To start Parkour I have to learn how to fall.

It's important this is learned first, that way if I end up in a dangerous situation, I can avoid injury.

Whenever I jump, I should be spotting my desired landing point. Landing with my knees bent and heels off the ground is very important to keep me from sending all of my momentum to my knees which could cause terrible injury of my joints.

I won't always have to do a PK roll after landing. Lower heights just require a proper landing (knees bent, no heels, hands reaching forward.) Still, it is vital to know how to do this complex move before starting serious training.

The purpose of the PK roll is to avoid all the bones and potentially sore spots in my back when rolling, dispersing my momentum, and saving myself from any injury at all.

I should be rolling diagonally across my back, not forward like a somersault or a gymnastics roll. It's not a barrel roll either, but a move in between.

Step 1: Shoulder

I use my hands to, with control, roll my body over my most comfortable shoulder. I should be using my strength to push myself onto a soft spot near my shoulder blade with some help from my forearm to guide me there. 

Step 2: Head

As I roll I should be tucking my head into my armpit or looking back in the direction I came. I personally like to look past my elbow. That helps me to avoid hitting my head while also torqueing my body to avoid other painful places.

Step 3: Spine

I should be rolling at such an angle that my spine does not get hurt. If it does, that means that my roll is too similar to a somersault, and I should reach more to the side upon my start.

Step 4: Hip

I am rolling from shoulder to opposite hip, which leaves that hip very susceptible to being landed on, which we don't want. I want to roll over it, which I can do by tightening my tuck and torqueing my body more.

*upon exit, my knees should be facing one forward, one to the side. You don't have to worry about this; if your roll is correct it will happen on its own.

Trouble shooting:

I'm hitting my shoulder

That means I'm collapsing my arms. They should be strong and firm, but without locked elbows so that I can control where my roll starts. This is especially important when moving to dive rolls when catching myself with my arms means avoiding breaking my collarbone.

I'm hitting my spine

I will try rolling to the side more, which may feel and look a little like a barrel roll but is very effective for some people. Tucking my legs in tighter can help me roll faster which will feel smoother and help with getting to my feet at the end.

I'm hitting my hip

That sucks. Tuck my knees in tighter and really, really reach to the side as I start. Be sure to rest to avoid major bruising and long-lasting pain.

Keep in mind, rolls have to be adjusted for every different body. What works for me may not work for someone else. If you're especially bony this may be harder for you. It will come with bruises and takes time and effort in order to master it. You should be starting on soft surfaces like carpet or grass to avoid major pain. Don't beat yourself up over it, take breaks, and don't be afraid to fall.

Ture Love Waits- Radiohead

Superman

There's something right about a starless sky

When it's black and empty it's right

Inside it's subtly bright

Inside there are promises and kisses

Inside it's always safe

So I stand at the peak of the rooftop, the top of the cliff, the high-hill

And under the starless sky,

I spread my arms to feel

The wind inflate my cape.

It's effortless,

But so you know,

Ahead of time,

Everybody leaves

But me

My Name is...

My name tastes dirty

Makes my tongue go numb

One of those numb names a lovely one

They say

It's short it's sweet it's prin-cess-y

But I've told it effortlessly to so many people

And they only use it to hurt me.

I love walking down the street and finding things like this. Graffiti can be soo awesome

Damn you, Murakami, and your thick-ass books

No. Just no.

Froyos in D.C.

Not as awesome as it looked, but food from trucks cannot be beat-- <3

This Song Plays Suicide- Hopes Die Last

I need to know the reason why I'm scared

Monkey Vault

Goofing around for a friend's photography project. My feet irk me :-/

Love Letter to the Cutters

When people give advice about this "dirty, attention whore" thing, the last thing I like to hear is "don't do it." I believe this as well, so I'm not sure why it offends me as much as it does.

After my experience earlier this year, many, many close and not-so-close friends of mine came to me with their own self harm problems, thinking that because I dealt with my own ordeal, I could deal with theirs as well.

Of course I would never refuse them, but I just can't help them either, which I feel, as a best friend, is expected of me. I love them so dearly, but truthfully, don't like being the only one in the crowd who knows what those scabs and burns are really about. I don't like knowing that the people I love are in the kind of pain I was in and that I can't do anything. It makes me feel isolated, and I wish I could remind them of some things without seeming uncaring or overly knowing.

My main, but not only, offense was my forearms, sort of the most commonly known place, and the location many of my friends have chosen. What I wish I could tell them, what I wish I could have thought of is that:

These viewable, permanent markings we have given ourselves can be seen by everyone. EVERYONE. They will exist during every job and college interview. Every hand we hold and every body we lie with will have to deal with them. The arm I extend at my wedding will be marked with white scars, and as I teach my children to walk I will have to explain the marks.

It was a waste of a clean arm that will always look this way because of my determination and deep digging. More than anything I wish I could have explained this to one of my friends who took to leaving countless burns on her hand, but it's silly to think I could have made a difference.

We mark our selves to feel, to stop feeling, to clear our heads, and to cry for help, and after a break from it, these are the nastiest things to see. But they are a decision we can only make ourselves, and there's only one true story behind them, a story that will plead to be told over and over again. Think.